Saturday, January 26, 2013

One Year Ago Today...

One year ago today, I was...
 Afraid to step on the scale.
Afraid to fail...again.
Contemplating whether I was truly ready to lose weight.
Wondering how my life would be if I didn't lose weight.
Dreaming of how awesome my life would be if I DID lose weight.
Determined to get my life back.

Fear. Contemplation. Wonder. Dreaming. Determination.

So I stepped on the scale.  I stepped on the elliptical.  I started a blog.

One year later, I am...
Not so focused on the scale.
Not afraid of failure.
In awe of what my body is able to do.
Refusing to say "I can't do it."
Willing to try.
Not making excuses.
I've had the chance to go back and read some of my entries over the last year.  Some of them are actually cringe worthy.  Did I actually share that?  Yes, I did.  I'm glad I did.  I needed this outlet in order to remain accountable for my actions and heal, and I've learned to love myself again.  Sure, it's drastic, but it worked for me. 
So, to commemorate my one year anniversary of my new life,  I've decided to share even more.  First up... I did a comparison of what I used to eat (on a bad day) and what I eat now.  I also did some rough calorie counting, and I'm was completely astounded.

I did not include dinner since it was pretty healthy and eaten in front of my family, so it was sensible. Still, the damage had been done.  Adding a 500 calorie dinner would put me in the 4,000 calorie range.  One pound = 3,500 calories.  Weighing 360 pounds, my metabolism was burning approximately 2,780 calories a day by doing absolutely nothing.  So, you can easily see how quickly I gained weight.  I was eating an extra 1,400 calories a day.

Quite a difference a year makes.  My approach to eating and nutrition has changed.  Food is not my crutch.  It's fuel.  Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy eating yummy things.  I truly believe you should eat and enjoy the things you like...just in moderation.  I still eat vanilla wafers.  Now, I just eat one serving versus 1/2 a box.

Let's do another comparison.  I want to thank my sister for creating this for me.  Sometimes, you just need a visual comparison.
This is hard for me to look at because I see two totally different women.  One is smiling on the outside and miserable on the inside.  The other is fierce and determined.  On one, the eyes seem dead to me.  The other, the eyes seem vibrant... ALIVE. 
I've experienced such a physical transformation that hard to describe, but I see it in the mirror everyday.  It's a great feeling to see a good portion of my body melt away.  However, I do feel my spiritual/mental transformation far outweighs anything that's changed physically.  My mind is clear. I'm focused.  I feel more confident.  I'm genuinely happy.  Not fake happy with a cheesy grin and vacant eyes.  I'm happy where you can see it in my face, hear it in my voice, and see it in my actions.  I'm ALIVE.
I'm running.  I'm jumping.  I'm joyful. I'm travelling (I've been to 2 different states and a foreign country in the last two months).  I'm lifting.  I'm learning.  I'm laughing.  I'm loving.  I'm living.  I'm ALIVE.
Thank you.  Thank. You.  All of you.  You've been my inspiration.  You encourage and you don't judge.  You say I inspire you... But you also INSPIRE me.  I want to succeed not only for me, but for you too.  I want people to know that it CAN be done.  

I spent the last 12 months learning so much and doing so much, and I accomplished a great deal.  I met not only one weight loss goal..but TWO.  I now have some new goals for 2013.
  • Gain muscle.  Lots of muscle.  I'm not one of those women that run from weights.  I run to them.  Cardio will help you lose body fat.  That's true. Weights will give you the body shape you crave. 
  • Run 1/2 marathon. That's right. 13.2 miles on May 19th. I start training in Feb. I'll keep you posted.  I recently took a fitness assessment at work and was pleased with the results. We will do another comparison after the training is complete to see how I've improved.
  • Get rid of my diabetes, blood pressure, and cholesterol medications.
  • Lose these last 60 pounds.
I did place these goals in order of importance to me, and you do see that weight loss is last.  That blasted scale.  I will always weight myself each week, but I'm not going to let the numbers not moving bother me.  I was able to travel over these last few weeks, not track my food every day, eat sensibly, enjoy some treats, NOT WORK OUT FOR FIVE DAYS STRAIGHT, and I didn't gain an ounce.  I did gain some perspective and realize that I can do this without being so regimented and strict. 

So I propose a toast... Here's to 2013.  The Year of NO EXCUSES.  It can be done.  It will be done. 
I Am living my life to the fullest.  You can too.  No excuses.  Let's go it together.

New pics are available on the weight loss photo album and my photo album pages!