Monday, January 30, 2012

Light Bulb!

Today I thought about epiphanies.  You know, those fantastic "light bulb" moments of absolute brilliance that come along a few times in your lifetime...or at least in my lifetime.  Why all of a sudden am I ready to lose weight, and why did it take so long to make that decision?  To be honest, I don't think I can really answer that question.

It came to me when I really wasn't thinking about it.  It was this past Friday after I finished working.  It was like a flash.  I suddenly got all of these ideas as to what I can do lose this weight...permanently.  And, all those ideas revolved around honesty. 

I was honest with myself about why I was obese.  Why I wasn't exercising.  Why I wasn't really living up to my full potential.  Then, I guess I said to myself I'm going to do it, and do it right now.  So, I exercised on Saturday and Sunday with surprising endurance.  I walked today with no problems.  Now, I'm thinking "WHAT THE FUCK!"  Have I really been sitting on my ass all this time for no reason?  And honestly, yes I have.

Light bulbs are great.  They provide true clarity where suddenly I can see everything.  I can see myself obtaining my goals.  I see myself living a healthy life.  I see myself supporting my family and friends in their endeavors to improve their quality of life.  I can see myself 20 years down the road.  It's a blessing.

Now, of course I doubted myself too.  You know, we all have that "Doubting Thomas" that prods us on the shoulder.  Mine was saying, " won't do this for long.  Don't you want something to eat?  Aren't you tired?  Who gives a shit?"  But, to be honest, he wasn't there for long, because I answered him honestly by saying, "Yes, I am going to do this. I'm changing my life.  No, I'm not hungry. I'm not tired. Now, bounce."  And, I'm going to keep doing that when that asshole shows up.

Lastly, thanks for reading.  Feel free to comment.  My shout out for this entry is dedicated to Justin Timberlake and his fuckawesome song, "Lovestoned."  I love ending workouts on a super-long song with a slow down at the end that helped me walk up two flights of stairs.  Check it out.

LoveStoned by Justin Timberlake

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Delusions of Grandeur??

So, now that I've made the conscious choice to change my life and improve my health for the better, I need to set my goals.  I do have an idea of what I would like my weight to be, but I don't want that to be my ultimate goal.  I have a two goals in mind.

My first goal is accomplished when my physicians says, "You don't need to take these diabetes and high blood pressure meds anymore."  I know the reason why I'm on both is because of the weight.  I also know that type two diabetes can virtually disappear with weight loss because it's happened to me before (see previous blog post).

My second goal - get my weight down to 160 lbs.  Why 160 lbs. you ask?  Well, I'm being realistic.  I'm never going to be 135 lbs.  I've been overweight my entire life, and my body has made allowance for carrying all that weight around.  This will definitely be a work-in-progress, and I'll talk to my doctor about healthy weights.  But for me, this is a starting point.

Now, how in the heck am I going to do this?  Well, of course, eat less, move more, and make good food choices. I'm not going to deprive myself like I did before.  If I want a sweet, I'll eat one.  But I'm going to have to earn it - meaning exercise to get it. 

I'm a numbers girl.  I like graphs and tracking.  I'm motivated by numbers.  That's how I work.  So, I'm going to achieve my goals by numbers.  One week at a time.

Three years to reach my goals, and I'm breaking it down like that.  It's possible that I may reach my goals before then, but again, I'm being REALISTIC.  I have a lot of weight to lose. 185 lbs in three years, and realistic, healthy weight lost is about 2 lbs a week.  Keep in mind I'm going to have a few plateaus to work through, and I'm going to need your help to make it through when I get to those.

Gift #1

To do this, I need to loose 1.2 lbs a week.  Totally doable.   There will be times when I don't lose 1.2, but I hope that will offset when I lose more than 1.2 a week.  See, reasonable....not delusional.

Now, you should reward yourself if you obtain your goals.  I have a few treats in mind that I want to share with you.

If I lose 62.4 lbs. this year, I will reward myself by getting something from Tiffany's. I love Tiffany's blue.  It's so beautiful, and I love the boxes they come in.  So, this is gift number one.

Yeah, I'll need the bracelet too.  But...minor detail.

Gift #2

Gift at the year of year two - 124.8 lbs lost - another Tiffany's Charm.  Paloma Picasso® painter's palette charm. I love Picasso. I adore art.

My final goal - 185 lbs lost - another Tiffany's charm, but I'm not going to buy here in the US.  I'm going to cross the pond and by it in...ENGLAND!  That's right!  I'm going to reward myself with a trip to England.  I'm going to enjoy my new life, and buy a charm that will always remind me of England.  Hopefully, I'll also meet my future husband since I swoon for English accents :).

So, that's my plan.  It's reasonable...not delusional.  I want to sign off by thanking Led Zeppelin.  God bless you for Kashmir.  That 8 minute song got me to the end of my workout today.  Thanks for reading.

Keep Calm...and MOVE ON!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Taking a Road Less Travelled...

Well...I'm starting my first blog.  Entering my first blog entry.  It's a bit daunting.  I'm putting my thoughts out there for others to read.  Scary!  But I need this.  I'm embarking on a journey that will test me.  More than anything that has tested me in my life.  I need this.  I need accountability.  I need support.  This is how I work. 

I'm 35 years old.  Single, accomplished.  Content.  But I'm morbidly obese.  Morbid.  That's serious.  So, I decided to look up morbid in the dictionary to see how serious this is.  Now, I'm not stupid.  I know what morbidly obese means.  But, I'm a nerd and proud of it, so humor me, okay? And, I looked this up in my actual 80 lb. dictionary. Not the give me a few points for going old-school. 

According to Webster's New World College Dictionary Fourth Edition:
morbid adj.
1. of, having, or caused by disease; unhealthy; diseased
2. resulting from or as from a diseased state of mind...having or showing an unwholesome tendency to dwell on gruesomeness or gloomy matters
3. gruesome; grisly; horrible
4. of diseased parts; pathological
5. causing disease

To summarize, this is really bad. Sucks! And, I know it too.  I'm 345 lbs.  I'm on medication for diabetes, cholesterol, and high blood pressure.  The TRIFECTA as I like to call it.  Definitely nothing to be proud of at all.

I remember back in 2009, my doctor suggested a diet for me to try.  I was 360 lbs., and I decided to take her advice and went on a "Protein Sparing Modified Fast."  I lost 131 lbs., and I was feeling fan-fucking-tastic.  I was working out sometimes 1 to 2 hours a day.  I was going to step and Zumba - which I really adore and highly recommend.  It's like going to the club and shaking your ass instead of exercising.  I built muscle and was seeing a personal trainer. 

This was all thanks to the "Protein Sparing Modified Fast."  And it was probably the worst decision I ever made in my life.  This "fast" is a no carb diet.  Not low-carb...NO CARB.  None!  Zilch!  Nada!  I was on this diet for 12 months, and I lost 131 lbs. by basically shocking my body into burning fat only.  I couldn't drink milk - so I had to take calcium supplements.  I couldn't eat fruit - so I had to take a multivitamin and potassium supplements.  No sugar.  No bread.  Nothing that had carbohydrates.  I had to limit myself to less than 20 grams ofcarb each day.  This includes the carbs naturally found in vegetables.  I also had to take a stool softener every day and magnesium supplements because constipation is an issue with this diet.

I lost 18 lbs. the first week. 

How is this possible?  Well, basically I put my body in permanent fat burning mode.  No carbs means no instant energy source so the body automatically goes to fat.  It also means you don't retain water.  Ketones are produced which are also expelled so I had to drink over 64 ounces of fluid a day to make sure the ketones were expelled.

I had to do under strict supervision from a physician that specializes in this fast.  It was going great...until a problem arose.  I was so constipated that I hadn't had a movement in a week (yeah...I'm going there folks so enjoy the ride).  It was horrible.  Believe me, you never want to go through this.  I ended up being taken off the diet and being put into what they call "Refeading" - which is gradually introducing carbs back into my diet.

Guess what my body did?  It was like crack to a crack addict.  I was going nuts.  I felt like my body was out of control.  I was eating boxes...BOXES...of crackers, vanilla waffers (which I really think are crack), and any type of carb I could get my hands on.  And, eventually I gained all may weight back.

So...morale of this can't cheat your body into losing weight.  Bodies are meant to use carb and fat for fuel.

Now, here I am two years later facing some serious health issues, and I've made decision to do this the right way FOR ME.  The old fashioned way.  Eat less.  Make better food choices.  Move more.  Slow and steady wins the race.  I hope you join me on my journey.