Monday, August 20, 2012

Keeping Calm… Moving On…

Hey blog readers. Sorry for the late posting. This past weekend was crazy busy. I had two family dinners and caught up with my bestie. I was able to get an interval walk/run in on Saturday morning.
I haven’t run outside in over a month. I figured that since I hadn’t run in a while, I’d have a poor time, but I still finished with my best time yet. Each time I get faster which is what I’m aiming for. I think I’m
going to pick up intervals again during the week too. Give myself a chance to do it two times a week – once on a treadmill and once outside. Hopefully, the extra day will give me more opportunities to trim
my time.

Well, regarding my weigh in on Saturday… I’m trying to not let it bother me too much. I gained 0.6
pounds. Nothing like what happened a few weeks ago. I steadily tracked all week and exercised 6 out
of 7 days. So based on that information, one of two things happened.

1. I’m gaining muscle. Muscle is denser and weighs more than fat. However, it takes up way less
space. So, if I’m gaining muscle and losing fat, it is possible not to see much movement on the
scale. Now, if I don’t see any change in how my clothes feel as I’m going through these stages,
then that is a problem because…

2. I’m truly gaining weight.

I really don’t think it’s #2 because I’m not eating crazy and I’m still working out. I eat a good balance of
fruits and vegetables, and I have an occasional sweet, but it’s measured and contained. So, I’m going
with #1. And, I’m totally fine with that. In fact, I hope it continues.

I love the fact that I’m getting stronger. Stronger body means bigger muscles. Bigger muscles mean I’ll
be able to work harder, run faster, and jump higher. I ran for 5 straight minutes on the treadmill the
other day. FIVE STRAIGHT MINUTES!!! The Old Navy jeans that I finally got into several weeks ago… I can now pull them on and off without have to unbutton and unzip them. I had to buy two new belts,
and I bought them from Target. Not a plus size store.

So, I’m not going to freak out over what happened. At this point in my journey, it’s going to be about
more about how I feel, how my clothes feel, and how I look. I’m not going to focus on the scale like I
used to. I’m still going to weigh myself once a week, but it’s no longer the focal point.
It may take me a longer to lose this last 10 pounds to reach the century club, and if it’s due to the fact
that I’m trading fat for muscle, I’m going to keep calm and move on. I don’t mind taking my time to
reach this milestone in that manner.  I'm going to be my own Champion.

Lastly, due to recent changes in my life that are super positive (read last week’s post), I will be
postponing my Tiffany trip. Don’t worry! I’m still going to get my bracelet… just not this weekend. I’ll
get it eventually along with all of my other goal rewards. Sometimes, you just got to sit back and decide
what’s more important. 

Special Note: My biometric test is this coming Wednesday.  Wish me luck!  I should have all the results by next week.  My blog post will most likely be delayed due to the weekend festivities so I should have plenty to tell you next week.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

With Changes Comes New Opportunities...

Hey Readers!  Last week was a wake up call for me.  I learned a lot about maintaining focus and remembering why I am doing all of this.  This isn't something temporary.  It's permanent.  It's how I will live my life.   Now that I've had a week to reflect back on what I did and where I went wrong, I am better able to watch for those patterns and try to get myself back on track.  This week definitely went better.  I was back to my routine and although there was a spontaneous change toward the end of the week, I was  able to adjust to it, and keep my head together.  I'm also learning that spontaneity can be a good thing, and I need to learn to adapt to quick changes and make adjustments that will continue to support my life goals.

I guess this is all leading up to my mood for the week.  I'd say it's BLISS.  Something very good - life altering for me - happened this week.  I guess you can say I've never been happier.  I'm in a blissful state.  Let me explain.

The life of an obese person can be lonely.  Sure, I've always been surrounded by family and friends.  I'm fun to be around, and I love to laugh and make others laugh.  But, there was always something missing, and when I didn't feel attractive, I tended to keep people away.  I kept people at arms length because I was afraid of rejection and pain.  I didn't want to get hurt because I knew the results would be devastating. 

Whenever I would get the courage to take the initiative and tell someone how I felt, I always got the same responses, "I not good enough for you."  "If you decided to leave me, I wouldn't know what to do."  I always thought... where am I going?  I'm a very loyal individual so if I'm going to be in a relationship with a man, I'm going to be with him.  I'm not going to jump up and leave.  So, to me, those responses puzzled and hurt me.  After all, isn't it my decision?  Aren't I the one who should know if you're good for me?

So, those two responses translated to something else entirely for me.  I'm too fat to be loved.  I'm too fat to be appreciated.  No one would be proud to be seen with me.  So, after the last debacle, I picked up my shattered ego, and shut myself down for a long time.  I was existing...not living.

When I decided to make a change, I made it for me.  Not to find a man or to make myself more attractive.   Sure, it was something I thought about, but it was not the deciding factor.  As I started to transform, men began to notice, but I'm still the same person I was 90 pounds ago.  If you attracted to me know, it was all about appearance and not about substance.  I know I'm more confident because I feel better about myself.  But, I'm not a fool so don't approach me like one..

I feel I'm at the point now where I can truly welcome a significant other into my life and be able to share myself without feeling insecure and fearing rejection.  I'm been blessed to find someone that appreciates all of me.  He appreciates my thoughts and beliefs..  He supports my goals and dreams.  He's supportive, nurturing and loving.  And what's most important is that I FEEL the same.  I can support his goals and dreams.  I can appreciate his thoughts and beliefs, and I'm secure in myself and our relationship.  I now have confidence in my ability to be welcome others into my life.  That is something that I had to overcome.   

So, what does all this mean?  With new changes, come new opportunities.  I'm still right where I need to be.  I'm back on track... I just welcoming a new team member.  So welcome aboard Anthony.  You came just at the right time.

P.S. - This is probably my first and last sappy post.  I promise.  I'm still basking in the glow, so sue me.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Hey everyone!  I'm back.  I survived.  I'm still breathing.  I'm not panicking.  I'm not hyperventilating.  The world did not spinning off it's axis.  An asteroid did not hit the earth.  So, I bet you're wondering why I'm spouting off all these doomsday prophecies.  Well, the inevitable occurred, and I find irony in it since it happened right after my six month anniversary.  I gained.  I gained weight.  I did not lose this past week.  And, I'm actually surprised at how I'm handling it.
If this had happened earlier in my journey, I'm sure I would have handled it differently.  I probably would panicked.  Had a melt down beyond epic proportions.  I swear I'm not usually full of drama.  I despise it in fact since I like to live a drama-free life.  I do find that when drama does infiltrate my life, I invited it in.  This situation is no different.

Now, I know that a weight gain of 2.5 pounds shouldn't shoot me straight into bedlam.  It did startle me when I saw the numbers on the scale this morning.  But, it wasn't unexpected because I know what I did.  I let my situation own me.  I let my laziness rule.  I let my schedule disruption take over.  And, when I did all of that, the result was what I saw on the scale.

Of course, this weight gain may not be that big of a deal.  I mean it could be because I'm amassed more muscle this week.  My clothes are still lose.  I know the number on the scale SHOULD NOT be my ultimate measuring stick.  But, it is. I'm human folks.  I need that number on that scale.  It's how I get my feedback. 

So, how did I allow this to happen?  Easy.  I did not track.  I did not measure.  I did not log my food.  Funny thing is, when I was on vacation, I still measured.  I still tracked my water intake.  I made sure to find some sort of exercise.  What made this situation so different?  Sure, I didn't have the time for conventional exercise, but hauling all that furniture on a truck and moving and cleaning sure did work up a healthy sweat for me two days in a row.

It all goes back to tracking.  I did not record what I ate.  I have no clue how much I ate.  If I ate too much.  If I ate too little.  When I got home yesterday, I went for a motorcycle ride with my brother in 90 degree weather without eating for several hours.  When I got back, I felt like crap.  I felt ill all evening.  I ate, but it wasn't the right things.  I also was super nervous because I knew I had to meet the scale in the morning, and I wasn't going to like what I saw.

So, what caused the weight gain?  Too many calories?  Not enough?  No exercise?  Hell if I know, and I'm not going to beat my head against the wall trying to figure out what happened.  What I do know is this.  People who are successful at not only losing substantial weight and keeping it off do one thing consistently.  Monitor and record what they eat.  They are meticulous about it.  They do not let routine disruptions stop them.  So, that's what I must do.  Today is the start of a new week.  I'm going back to what has worked for the past 26 weeks.  If this week has taught me anything, it's that planning is key.  I successfully  navigated through three weeks of my gym being shut down only to be thrown off by a schedule disruption of three days.  Are you fucking kidding me?  No excuses.  I lost (err...gained).  I learned.