Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Who Said I Was Worthless?

Can I just say I ache?  But I feel g-o-o-o-o-d.  I really do.  It means my body is moving in ways that it hasn't in a very long time.  So, I'm going to take all my aches in my upper and lower back, my legs, my arms as a badge of honor...a sense of accomplishment.  I'm not one to complain so that's about it for that aches and pains nonsense.

I also started working out at my workplace gym this week.  I work Monday - Thursday, and the plan was to work out everyday that I'm in the office. So far, I've done Monday - Wednesday, and I plan on going tomorrow too.  My pink gym bag is all packed and ready to go. 

I also figured out that my body likes it when I work out in the early afternoon versus after work.  Let me tell you that that bastard Doubting Tom was riding my ass on Tuesday when I worked out after work He jumped on my aching back for the 60 minutes I was on that bloody elliptical machine.  I was so tired, and my body hurt.  But, I brushed him off and finished.  I almost fell asleep in my dinner plate that evening, but I finished.

Today was totally different.  I worked out mid afternoon, and I feel really good.  So, I'm going to try that tomorrow too.  There is a Zumba class tomorrow too that I may try.  I tried Intro Step Aerobics today and lasted about 15 minutes.  If I can't last, I just finish up on one of the machines.  I like trying new things.  Keeps things fresh.  I liked the energy and endorphin rush I got when I got back to my desk too.  My bestie was victim to some of my post-exercise random rambles, but she's awesome and loves me for it.  So, thanks bestie!

While I was working out on Tuesday with that bitch-ass "Tom," Dr. Oz was on, and he had several extremely overweight women on the show.  So, I figured I'd watch that instead of listening to my music (which was a bad idea...I definitely need to work out to music versus TV).  These women were call "Feeders."  I've never heard of that before, and neither had Dr. Oz.  Apparently, these women can be hired to perform for men who find fat sexy.  Sometimes they want to be smothered in their flab, smell their sweat, or pay them to eat extreme amounts of food.  I guess it gets them off?  Strange...but I also saw on Dr. Phil this dude that lived like an adult baby and pooped in an adult diaper.  I guess it takes all types?

Anyway, Dr. Oz asked these women if they wanted to lose their weight and be more healthy and some of them did.  Dr. Keith Ablow was also a guest and he was providing psychiatric commentary.  He wanted each woman to honestly answer the following question: "Who was it that told me I was worthless?"  Apparently, answering this question honestly is the first step to getting control of food addiction. 

So, as I'm trudging away on the elliptical machine, I close my eyes.  I thought about that question.  "Who was it that told me I was worthless?"  My parents never told me I was worthless.  My brother, sister, one ever said that. 

I've always been heavy.  I can't remember a time when I wasn't.  I was picked on in elementary and middle school about my weight, but I brushed it off.  I think that impacted me quite a bit because I felt that I always had to excel in whatever I could so it would overshadow how heavy I was, and people wouldn't see me as heavy. They would see my as accomplished. 

So, again, I'm back to that question again.  "Who told me I was worthless?"  Being completely honest, the only person I came up with was me.  I allowed circumstances affect me to where I felt I was worthless.  I told myself that.  I overcompensated for being overweight by excelling in anything that I could get my hands on, but it still didn't fix the problem. 

I don't feel that way anymore.  I've been working on myself for quite a while now.  I'm In Repair so to speak.  I'll get there one day.  Tom can ride my ass all he wants.  I'm going to LONDON!

Special Note: To be honest, I really think that questions is a bunch of bullshit.  People are heavy for different reasons and not every overweight person has a food addiction.  I really took that question with a grain of salt and kept gliding away...remembering Keith Ablow was also the dude who said we should admire Newt Gingrich for all the affairs he had because he was "in demand."  What the fuck ever!  I also have a new poll question so go vote, and please comment!
Hell yeah!  I'm superfast!