Saturday, February 4, 2012

W Day

So, today is weigh-in day.  I'll admit I was a bit anxious.  I popped up at 6:30 am this morning which is pretty pathetic since it's Saturday, and I don't work on the weekends.  I knew this date was coming.  I was afraid of what I would see...or more like what I wouldn't see.

That fear...that anxiety shouldn't be there, and I'm going to have to work on myself to make sure it disappears.  I did what I need to do this week.  I ate well, I started to exercise, I didn't use the elevator at all this week at work.  And, that's saying a lot.  I even climbed stairs a bit for exercise, which about killed me.  I shouldn't feel like I failed if the scale isn't reporting what I wanted to see.  I'll work on that.

So, I got up.  I stepped on the scale, and guess what it said?  Well, if you look at the top of the page, you will see a new tab that says, "Weight Loss Chart."  So, go ahead and click on the tab.  Take a look at the spreadsheet.  I told you that I'm a numbers girl, and I'm also an Excel geek so anytime I can create a spreadsheet, I jump at it.  I'll weight in every Saturday and report my results.  That's pretty ballsy...now everyone in the world knows how much I weight.  FUCK!

I had a very good week, as you can see.  I tried to increase my activity level everyday.  As of Friday, I'm a proud, reinstated member at my work facility gym.  So, I'm going to attempt to work out everyday I'm at work - four days a week.  I also have a work out partner who will join me from time to time, and she promised to kick my ass if I start bitching.  So, work out buddy, if you're reading this, I'm ready.

I went out to dinner with my best friend and cousin last night.  We went to Chili's, and I love their nachos.  I even had four of them and a modest dinner.  I made good food choices because I wanted those G-D nachos, and they were fantastic as usual.  Anyway, I'm getting off topic. 

During the ride to the restaurant, I was talking to them about how I'm don't get the pleasure from food that I used to.  I'm an emotional overeater. I eat when I'm happy.  I eat when I'm sad.  I eat when I'm bored.  So, I was eating all the time.  When I was considering weight loss surgery, I had to attend a food addiction therapy group, and they signed me off saying I was ready for the surgery.  All cured...even though I'd scarf down two large McDonald french fries on the way to group therapy.

To be honest, I can't remember the last time I had an emotional pig out.  I can't remember the last time I ate dinner just to look forward to dessert.  I don't know when it happened.  I just don't receive the euphoric feeling from eating anymore.  I don't find it joyous.  Now, I just find it necessary.  I don't know if any of you will ever understand what that means to a person who has a food addiction. 

Not to belittle any other types of addition out there, but humor me for a moment.  A food addiction has to be one of the hardest to overcome.  A crack addict may feel like they need crack to survive, but the body does not use crack for basic function.  Food, on the other hand, is VITAL.  NEEDED.  REQUIRED!  How in the hell do you manage a food addiction when you have to eat every fucking day?

I don't know if I can answer that.  I hope I can give you an answer soon.  All I can say is I pray everyday that maintain the strength to keep going.  Imma Be doing it everyday!  (Thank you Black Eyed Peas!  I enjoy the food...and the group!)

P.S. - Keep an eye at the top of the blog.  I'll be posting questions that you can vote on.  I'm running a democracy - not a dictatorship.  Also, I commissioned an artist (my niece) to give a face to "Doubting Thomas."  I'll share the lil' fucker with you soon.