Confessions of a Sugarholic

Hey everyone! Thanks again for reading the misadventures of Me and Matilda. I'm three weeks post-op today, and I at times I felt so amazing I forgot I had serious surgery three weeks ago, but Matilda let it be known who runs the show. Matilda runs this! I am very happy that I am still on pureed foods. My favorites are beans, guacamole, hummus and salsa. I've pretty much been switching between these foods and sometimes combining them. My fav combo so far is 2 tablespoons of beans, 1 tablespoon of guac and one tablespoon of salsa. I've yet to get all of it down, but I can do pretty good in 30 minutes. I also had my three week follow-up appointment with my surgeon's office. My blood work is very good, blood pressure excellent. Incisions are healing good. Next appointment will be in September and they will do a full blood work up to review my vitamin levels. Matilda's first warning.... Now, about the tug of war between Matilda and I. Things were going g...

It's been a very long time, well over two years, and  and a lot has happened in that time.  First, the most amazing thing...I got married to the most wonderful man on 2/3/2016. We are still going strong. He is my best friend, my biggest support and my rock. My life is so much better with him. We got married in Las Vegas, which was perfect for us since that was the first trip we took together as a couple. Happiest day of my life! As you can also see in this picture, I gained a significant amount of weight that I lost over 5+ years ago when I started this blog. It's definitely disappointing. If you have ever gone through significant weight loss only to regain, it's very difficult and demoralizing, and I've gone through this TWICE! I was so ready to get rid of all those "BIG CLOTHES" in my closet when I shed weight. Then, when I started gaining, I couldn't fit anything. So, I ran back to those stores I swore I'd never shop at again just to buy just...

 It feels good to let my finger do the talking once again.  Hey readers.  I sure did take a leave of absence, didn't I?  I also feel I lost myself in the process.  After my mid-week meltdown, I've been doing a lot of self-reflection thinking about where I derailed.  It wasn't any event or circumstance that caused it.  It's really just plain old complacency and laziness, with a dash of arrogance.   Complacent. Webster defines complacent as "satisfied with how things are and not wanting to change them."  I'd say that was true.  I remember saying to myself over the last few months, "I'd be happy if I stay just how I am right now."  I don't think I truly believed that, but that was what I was telling myself.   Lazy, defined as "disinclined to activity or exertion : not energetic or vigorous."  I'd agree with that.  Sure, I still worked out more days during the week than not, but sometimes I wasn't feeling ...

Hello Readers!  I feel like I've done a complete 180 from last week.  It's amazing what a week of horrible eating and reflection can do for you. Last week I felt like I was standing on the edge of a precipice.  Directionless.  I wondered how did I get so distracted...so far off track.  I allowed these distraction to take control and move in a direction that I knew wasn't good for me.  I knew this.  I even asked myself while I was stuffing numerous hot tamales in my mouth, "What on earth are you doing to yourself?"  I used to ask myself this questions when I would binge.  I'd never answer the question though because I don't think I knew the answer to be quite honest. The difference this time around was that I stopped it.  I stopped the behavior.  I thought about why I was doing it.  I also thought about if the result of eating all that candy made me feel better.  It didn't.  It never made me feel better. Back then...

One year ago today, I was...  Afraid to step on the scale. Afraid to fail...again. Contemplating whether I was truly ready to lose weight. Wondering how my life would be if I didn't lose weight. Dreaming of how awesome my life would be if I DID lose weight. Determined to get my life back. Fear. Contemplation. Wonder. Dreaming. Determination. So I stepped on the scale.  I stepped on the elliptical.  I started a blog. One year later, I am...   Not so focused on the scale. Not afraid of failure. In awe of what my body is able to do. Refusing to say "I can't do it." Willing to try. Not making excuses. LIVING.   I've had the chance to go back and read some of my entries over the last year.  Some of them are actually cringe worthy.  Did I actually share that?  Yes, I did.  I'm glad I did.  I needed this outlet in order to remain accountable for my actions and heal, and I've learned to lo...

Hey everyone!  I know I didn't post during Thanksgiving week.  It wasn't because I completely derailed and fell off the wagon.  I honestly didn't have anything to report.  My weight pretty much stayed the same.  I worked out really hard that week so I could enjoy my Thanksgiving with my family and friends.    I also spent a little too much time online enjoying the Black Friday sales.  I couldn't help it.  It's amazing that I actually have choices now.  Skinny jeans, leggings, platform heels... These are all things I thought I'd never be able to wear.  I tried on a outfit that I got from Macy's, and I asked my mom for her opinion.  She just looked at me with her mouth wide open.  So, I'm thinking it must look pretty bad.  She just shook her head and said, "I can't believe I'm looking at my daughter.  You look amazing."  Okay...I had to go compose myself after that.  That meant so much coming fr...

Hey Readers!  I went AWOL!  I didn't post my weight and blog entry during Halloween week.  To be honest, that week was bloody awful.  I don't know if it was Halloween or if I was just feeling rebellious.  I was pretty following a see-food diet, I saw food... and I ate it. The only good thing about the week of Halloween is that I didn't stop exercising.  Not one day.  But, I really wasn't feeling it.  I didn't put my full effort into it.  I felt like I was just going through the motions, even during my kettlebell class.  I felt completely off my game. And, what happened when I weighed myself last Saturday?  Well, I really couldn't weigh myself that day.  I ended up waking up at 5 am to do a Jillian DVD before heading to Mentor, OH to attend President Obama's campaign rally.  That was amazing (I posted a pic or two on the photo album page).  After that, I attended a Twilight party at my friend's house... and ye...

Happy Fall Everyone!  I have to admit I'm supercharged this morning, and there are several reasons why.  First, we are entering my favorite season of the year. I love Fall.  I love the colors.  My favorite holidays are in fall (Halloween and Thanksgiving).  I love the cool temperatures and the clothes.  I love all the fun activities.  Fall is just a time for getting comfy.  To celebrate fall, I've decided to have a spot of tea while writing the blog.  I'm all in the spirit today.  Got London on the mind hence the tea.  It's not Earl Grey or Twinnings, but it'll do. As for the other reason... I've hit a rather important milestone today.  It's been on my heals teasing me for well over a month, and we've been dancing around each other like we're partners in the Tango.  Well, I finally tackled it this week, and believe me, it was a pain-infested, brutal, no-holds bared battle to the finish, and I won!  That's right....

Hey Readers!  Last week was a wake up call for me.  I learned a lot about maintaining focus and remembering why I am doing all of this.  This isn't something temporary.  It's permanent.  It's how I will live my life.   Now that I've had a week to reflect back on what I did and where I went wrong, I am better able to watch for those patterns and try to get myself back on track.  This week definitely went better.  I was back to my routine and although there was a spontaneous change toward the end of the week, I was  able to adjust to it, and keep my head together.  I'm also learning that spontaneity can be a good thing, and I need to learn to adapt to quick changes and make adjustments that will continue to support my life goals. I guess this is all leading up to my mood for the week.  I'd say it's BLISS.  Something very good - life altering for me - happened this week.  I guess you can say I've never been hap...

Happy Earth Day! Happy Monday Blog Readers!  And Happy Belated Earth Day to you as well.  I must apologize for my tardiness.  Although I did weigh in and update on Saturday, I didn't post an entry, and I had several people mention that to me today.  I must say I'm happy that many of you look forward to my updates, but  I promise I wasn't looking for extra attention...basically...I was just lazy. I was also having hard time trying to think of what to write about.  It was a pretty good week.  Doubting Thomas didn't mess with me too much this week, and things seem to be settling down.  I also have vacation coming up in about two weeks. I'm going to spend a week in Charleston, SC with my cousin.  It will be a nice time.  I haven't spent a good deal of time in Charleston since I graduated from college several years ago, so this will be a great trip...especially since I'll be able to see some of my great sorority sisters, and we'll be s...

I hate having a case of the Mondays....that lasts  all week! Hey Blog Readers!  I'm sending a special shout out to all of my international readers.  They are actually some people reading from Malaysia and Russia!  How awesome!  So, feel free to add comments.  I'd love to hear from you - actually...I'd love to hear from all of my readers.  Knowing that you are out there rooting for me (I hope you are) makes me feel fantastic.  And considering how this week went, any bit of good news and encouragement is welcome. I'm not a complainer.  I never have been.  If there is something I don't like about myself or a situation I'm in, I try my best to change it.  I don't really like burdening people with my problems.  But every now and then something happens and I have to let my frustrations out.  So, I appreciate those who lent their ears to me this week.  Thank you so much for listening me to this week, and letting me ...