Is This Me?

Hello there!

It's been six months since my last blog post, so I suppose it's time to let you all know what I've been up to.

My goals I set for myself are still steady, and I hope by the end of the year that I've accomplished them. I'm pretty confident that I can reach them although I've been sidelined for a bit, and I haven't had the opportunity to work out as I'd like. Let me explain.

As most of you know, I've been on a weight loss journey of the ages. My highest recorded weight was 361 pound circa 2006 - around the time I was in grad school. Things were quite bleak, stressful and lonely. Not to mention all the health issues I had.

So I lost weight on a doctor supervised Protein Sparing Modified Fast - now popularly called Ketogenetic diet - it worked, and I got down to 220's, but it didn't stick unfortunately.

At that point, I pursued weight loss surgery, and my insurance approved me for a gastric by-pass, but I wasn't sure and felt like I was being rushed through the process. I was concerned about malabsorption issues so I backed out.

I then tried losing weight with calorie counting apps and exercise. Got down to 211.

Met my now husband and ballooned back up to 335 in 2016. Good news was I never got back to my highest weight. Bad news was all my chronic diseases were back - diabetes, high blood pressure and hyperlipidemia.

So, in 2016, after speaking with my husband, family and doctor, I decided to pursue weight loss surgery and this time I chose the gastric sleeve. My insurance approved of the procedure and on 7/17/17,  I got a new tummy, a new tool to help manage my weight loss, and an abundance of energy and life.

It's been amazing and a struggle with ups and downs, but overall - it was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. My chronic diseases have disappeared and I've become a very active individual.

However, with extreme weight loss comes another issue - LOOSE SKIN.

Listen, I'm 5'3" and will be 43 years young in August. Things aren't going to bounce back as if I'm 23, and I've been obese practically my entire life. This skin has lost its elasticity and although we love to say that good black don't crack - it will certainly stretch.

I have loose skin. A lot of it - mostly on my abdomen, arms, legs and chest. In my opinion the abdomen and arms are the worst.  In order to run, I'd have to strap down my midsection, and as a result I'd get major chafing and sometimes broken skin. My arms had batwings that would clap when I was exercising. In no way would this ever stop me from exercising, but it sure would be nice to get rid of it. I'd perform better too - no strapping my body down. I could do a burpee without having to deal with stomach rolls and even move better in yoga class.

With Allah's grace, family support, and amazing medical team, my insurance also agreed that I'd have  a better quality of life with less excess skin.

On 5/14/2019, I received a full brachioplasty (arm lift) and fleur de lis abdominoplasty. My amazing plastic surgeon, Dr. Laura Figura of Presque Isle Plastic Surgery, removed 9.5 pounds of skin from my body. Yes, she did take pictures and I'll include the link here.

My recovery was NOT EASY. It made my gastric sleeve seem like an eye exam. I was under anesthesia for almost 6 hours. I couldn't move that well afterward and my abdomen was extremely tight. I was on pain meds for several days, and I stopped those as soon as possible. The pain wasn't too terrible. It was being immobile and managing my emotions.

My medical team advised me that anesthesia can make me quite emotional and even depressed. I didn't want to believe them, but they were right. There were days I cried and I didn't even know why. The healing from my arm lift was more troublesome than my abdomen, which also caused me some distress and sadness. One day my husband came home, and I was in hysterics because my back hurt so bad, and I couldn't get comfortable. Another day I was sad and crying so he had my family come visit me, which cheered me up, but made me cry again because laughing is not fun during a tummy tuck. Neither is coughing for that matter.

Six weeks of recovery. Walking as tolerable. No jumping. No running. No lifting. I've had my fill of Dr. Phil reruns, Lifetime movies and know all the commercials to the point of nausea.

Now, I've been given clearance to go back to my normal activities - slowly, and I'll be back to work this coming Tuesday.

And I have a new body that I'm trying to get used to. I look in the mirror and ask, "is this me?" Friends who haven't seen me in a bit had no idea who I was. I didn't think I look that different.

But I feel different. Clothes are fitting hella different. I keep pulling at my clothes and undergarments because they are in different areas. THINGS ARE DIFFERENT! Different is AMAZING! I'm beyond pleased with my results and I'm only six weeks out. I'm still swollen in my arms and tummy, and that will diminish over the the next several months. I will continue to wear compression garments to help with the swelling.

The emotions that rush through me sometimes are hard to manage. I sometimes fear that 361 pounds will creep back on me. I can eat more than I could when I first had my sleeve surgery - which is normal - but sometimes I wonder, am I eating too much? Then I look at other plates and then my tiny plate and shake my head. My relationship with food will always be complicated and I'll struggle from time to time. Now that I'm in maintenance, movement is more important than ever. As long I keep my feet moving and my heart pumping, I'll get by.

So, what's next for me? Zumba on Tuesday. Walk/Run gingerly to get my body used to more activity. At eight weeks out, I'll pick up my kettlebells again and start weight training. I got goals to accomplish by 12/31.

Will Run for Tacos 5K is July 20th! I'll be ready. I run for the SWAG!

Honestly, do I really look that different? 😉

Highest Weight 361
Current Weight 177

* If any of you have any questions about my process or experience, please reach out. I'm an open book.

My heaviest - 361 pounds 

November 2016

Total weight loss: 184 pounds