Sunday, April 7, 2013

Humility Returns

Hey everyone!  Sorry I didn't post last week.  I didn't have the best weekend, and I felt completely out of it.  I also fell off the wagon.  Not completely, but it was enough for a wake up call.  I've been doing a lot of self-analysis over the last week to figure out what my next step needs to be.  It was very humbling.
 
Over the last year or so, I've been on a journey to change my life and improve my health. I was tired of sitting on the sidelines watching others enjoy life and wishing I could be them.  I've talked about this before in prior posts.  I wasn't living.  I was tired of eating my emotions, and food just wasn't filling the void anymore.
 
So I got off my unmotivated, lazy behind and got to work.  I started tracking my calories, working out and researching.  I wanted to know what I could do to keep my metabolism burning and get the weight off.  I had plans for what I would do when I was successful and looked forward to getting those charms and celebrating my success.
 
What happened was not what I expected.  The weight came off easily.  Weight lost came quickly and consistently.  Sure I had a few hiccups along the way, but nothing that I couldn't get past.  I read about so many people who were losing weight and found themselves fighting through those dreaded plateaus that can last for very long periods of time... eventually, some of those folks gave up.  The weight came back.  I swore that would never happen to me.  I got this.  Or, do I?
 
I've been plateauing on and off for about four to five months.  Four to five months.  No joke.  My weight goes up.  My weight goes down.  I'm still on a relatively downward path, but it's not steady and consistent. I've tried many things to get past it.  Calorie variances (some folks call them cheat days... I hate that term).  Not counting calories.  I didn't know what to do.  I was still exercising heavily and weight lifting.  I varied my workouts.  What was wrong?
 
I realized that my diet was poor, and decided to change it introducing the Whole30. It was a very eye-opening 30 days.  After my 30 days, I lost seven pounds, and I felt great.  I was satisfied with my results, and I was ready to move on to the next step.  So, I reintroduced foods.  I ate cheese and grains.  I ate sugar and dairy.  After that first week, I gained five pounds, and I didn't think too much about it.  I did notice that I wasn't feeling the best.  I felt sluggish, and my workouts weren't the best.  Running was tough.  I didn't have the best weekend emotionally, and I let my emotions control what I ate... which was everything.
 
This week was horrifying.  Absolutely horrifying.  Sure, I still has good breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  But, I also ate a ton of sugar....candy.  Why?  Because I was sad and upset.  And, even though I got everything resolved earlier in the week, I still wanted candy and sugar, and I ate a lot of it. 
 
So, what do I have to show for it.  A large weight gain over two weeks... Two weeks where I still exercised 6 out of 7 days, and walked/ran over 30 miles.  That hip pain that miraculously disappeared during my Whole30 is back.  Knee pain when going up and down the stairs in back.  And, humility returns.
 
How am I handling all this?  Honestly, not bad.  It happened.  I did it to myself. I realize that good health really begins in the kitchen and not in the gym.  I just made a decision to ignore that over the last two weeks and do whatever I wanted.  Am I feeling like I'm glad this happened?  No. Absolutely not, but I'm not going to beat myself up over this.  If I do, that will just send me back in my downward shame spiral where I eat my emotions.  Grains and sugar aren't working for me.  The knee and hip pain show that plainly.
 
I got myself in this. I'll get myself out.  I'm still fighting through my plateau.  I've derailed a bit, but the train didn't completely fall off the track.  I still have a half marathon to train for, and I'll be running a 5K at the beginning of May just to get some practice.  Next Saturday, I'll be running 8 miles.  Life goes on.  I will always have bad days and bad weeks.  I must learn how to handle these periods with something else other than sugar.  I had tamed that sugar demon, but I brought him back.  I need to put him down again.
 
Humility is good for me.  I don't have this beat.  I never will.  It doesn't mean I give up and quit.  I have to Raise Up and fight.  I'm not done yet.  God does have plans for me.