Sunday, November 11, 2012

Just What I Need

Hey Readers!  I went AWOL!  I didn't post my weight and blog entry during Halloween week.  To be honest, that week was bloody awful.  I don't know if it was Halloween or if I was just feeling rebellious.  I was pretty following a see-food diet, I saw food... and I ate it.

The only good thing about the week of Halloween is that I didn't stop exercising.  Not one day.  But, I really wasn't feeling it.  I didn't put my full effort into it.  I felt like I was just going through the motions, even during my kettlebell class.  I felt completely off my game.

And, what happened when I weighed myself last Saturday?  Well, I really couldn't weigh myself that day.  I ended up waking up at 5 am to do a Jillian DVD before heading to Mentor, OH to attend President Obama's campaign rally.  That was amazing (I posted a pic or two on the photo album page).  After that, I attended a Twilight party at my friend's house... and yes, I really did enjoy myself.

When I weighed myself on Sunday and I saw a three pound weight gain.  I really wasn't surprised.   To be honest, I've been feeling bored and dispondent.  Not because of what I've accomplished, but because I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back.  Just when I felt I got my appetite and cravings under control, my appetite went through the roof.  I was hungry often.  I wanted to eat everything.  I wanted pizza, french fries, hamburgers, cake and candy.  I felt like the "Old Me" was creeping back in and trying to take over.  And, I admit I fell into some old habits.  I ate candy... more than one serving of candy.  I had cupcakes and pizza and waffles with REAL SYRUP. 

Sunday was reality check time.  I thought back to my week, and what I ate and didn't record.  I also remembered that I didn't feel all that great after eating that food.  I used to get such great enjoyment from food.  It was my crutch and my therapist.  My boyfriend and my confidant.  Now... it's just FOOD, and I felt a little sick about my behavior. 

So, instead of wallowing in a downward shame spiral, I wrote last week off as what it was, a temporary setback.  I jumped in Jillian and Zumba on Sunday, and I hit my workouts this week with more vigour.  It also helped that my metabolic class completely kicked my ass.  Kettlebells were amazing.  I jumped and shook in Zumba, and I really worked hard at home.

So, when Saturday came and I found that I lost all the weight that I gained (and a tiny bit more), it was time for personal reflection.  Was Halloween week really worth it?  Was all that food worth it?  What did I get out of it?   You know, I think maybe I needed to go through that crazy week.  Maybe it was time for me to revisit how I used to be, and remember how I used to feel. I look at myself in the mirror and it's such a drastic change from where I used to be.  It's shocking and wonderful... and scary too.  I don't want to go back to how I used to be. I love who I am now. I'm happier and healthier.  So, I fell off the wagon.  You know, as long as I learned from that experience and moved on, Ain't Nothing Wrong With That.