|Happiest day of my life!|
And what do I tell all those people who were following me and cheering me on? I'm definitely not the poster girl for weight loss. What do I say to them? What do I tell them? What do I say to myself?
All I can say is I'm sorry. I let go. I let it all go. I loss focus. It was so easy. I found reasons not to exercise, which is just pure laziness and avoidance. I didn't want to stop eating the candy and the carbs and the sweets that I love so much. I have no excuse. There is no excuse. I stopped exercising ,and I started eating too much. That's how the weight came back, and it came back fast.
I'm back on my meds again. My diabetes returned along with its buddies hypertension and hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol). I'm on two medications for hypertension now... four medications all together. I know I need to lose weight and keep it off. That is the only way I'm going to get rid of these medicines, and I miss my activity. I loved working out. I loved doing things that I couldn't do before. I want to get back there.
I ask myself every day... Why? Why did I let it go? All I can do is shake my head. I honestly feel like I came across as a pompous know-it-all. I didn't know what's best when it comes to weight loss. I didn't have a clue. If that was the case, why am I back to square zero for the third time. I have so much to look forward to in my future. Why would I want to spend years with my new husband sick with comorbidies and constant increases in weight?
So, all of this self-degradation leads me here. I was afraid to return to my blog because I was ashamed, but two very good friends (and you know who you are) convinced me to return because my story isn't as uncommon as I thought. Maybe I can still help people, and I owe many of you a very large apology.
First, I apologize for disappointing you. I shouldn't have stopped blogging because of my
shame at failing once again.
Second, I apologize for all of those people who are part of the bariatric or weight loss community. I used to believe weight loss surgery was the "easy way out," which is pure ignorance of a subject I knew little about at the time, and I hope you welcome me into your community because I am having weight loss surgery today.
For those of you surprised at my choice, I surprised myself too when I decided to do this eight months ago. That's right. It took EIGHT months to get here. I did not tell a whole lot of people, but I'm certainly not hiding it either. And it sure as hell wasn't easy.
Last, I apologize if I hurt anyone by not saying anything. I needed to do this for me, and I have the support of my family. It helped me get where I needed to be mentally and physically for the surgery and recovery. I hope you understand that.
As for the future of this blog, that's up to you. Do you want to read about all this stuff...AGAIN???
I do enjoy blogging because it clears my head. I like going back and reading what kind of head space I was in at a moment in time. So, I'll keep up the weekly posts. Maybe I can help one or two of you make a decision. I had a few people help me make mine, and I appreciated their help and wisdom. I want to pay it forward if I can.
I've been morbidly obese my entire life. I've never known what a "thin" day felt like. One day, I hope I will. In future posts, I'll give details on what happened over the last eight months. It was quite a journey.