Reality Check

Greeting Blog Readers. I hope you didn't think that I fell off the wagon into a vat of Belly Flops (irregular Jelly Bellies). Quite the contrary. I spent the last two weeks just decompressing and getting my head right. I'm happy I took that time, too, because for the first time in 18 months, I'm starting to feel like my old self again. I'm also thinking with more clarity since I don't have the haze of sugar clouding my judgement.

Hello. My name is YahMoorah, and I am a sugarholic. It's been 27 days since my last binge. I haven't had any candy. None. I don't count the three chocolate covered strawberries I had to celebrate the New Year either. They were nice, but they are definitely not a trigger food.

I had dessert over the holidays. I thought hard about how I was handling that. I worried about it. I even remember thinking that it was there...in the refrigerator. Calling me. I looked forward to it. I wanted it, and I couldn't wait until it was time to eat it. Did I gorge myself on it? No, I did not. I had sensible portions over several days. However, my preoccupation with it was quite telling. It dominated my thoughts, which leads me to believe I need to leave it alone. So, I haven't had any dessert since New Years.

This last week (after I got over being sick), I really focused on my eating plan, getting my six meals, concentrating on my workouts, and drinking my water. Without sugar dictating my body and mind, I felt more in control of my thinking and decisions. I also thought about how much candy I was consuming during my binges. So, I decided to do a bit of math. Bear with me as I break down how many calories I consumed during my binges.

Candy of Choice A (my preferred candy) - Jelly Bellies

I love jelly bellies. My favorite are cantaloupe, buttered popcorn, sizzling cinnamon, and draft beer. I would fill my two pound bag up with these beauties and eat them all within 24-36 hours. So, how much was I eating?

• 1 jelly belly = 4 calories
• 25 jelly bellies = 1 oz
• 16 oz = 1 lb
• 800 jelly bellies = 2 lbs
• 2 lbs of jelly bellies = 3,200 calories

3,200 CALORIES?!?!?!!!!!

Let's keep going...

Candy of Choice B (and much cheaper) - Hot Tamales

I'm going to be honest. Jelly Bellies are hella expensive. They range from $8.99 to $10.99 per pound. As an addict, I usually go for the drug that will give me the most satisfaction. However, when I need to pinch pennies, I go to my more economic favorite. I could get a 34 oz bag for about $6.00. Plus, they are sold everywhere. So, how much in a 34 oz bag? 

• 1 Hot Tamale = 7 calories
• 10 Hot Tamales = 1 oz
• 340 Hot Tamales = 1 bag
• 1 bag = 2,380 calories

Seriously! Oh, and let's add my regular food consumption to that. I was eating all my meals. I had a special place in my stomach set aside for my candy. No worries.  I pretty much ate a couple of extra pounds each week. No amount of exercise can negate that mess. 

Reality check? Indeed. 

Before I end my post, I want to thank all of you who reached out to me. Thank you for sharing your stories and letting my know I'm not alone. Many of you shared your own struggles with sugar and how it dictates your diet.  I tell you honesty that sitting down and seeing how much I was eating was a slap in the face. Think about that. Perhaps it will bring you clarity if you figure out what you are doing. Write it down. Absorb it. Confront it. Make it real. I'm keeping my reality check close. So, the next time I'm tempted (and it's often), I just think how much I would be eating.

I also think about all the hard work I'm putting in at the gym.  My trainer works me so hard.  I love it.  This last session I felt like crying on two separate occasions.  It's that hard.  It's that emotional.  She knows what I need to do, and she knows how far to push me.  I can't throw all that hard work and sweat away on a binge. It's not worth it. I Don't Need It.

See you next week.